Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
