How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
