in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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