yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
