So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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