Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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