I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
