I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
