He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I believe in your delicious
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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