The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
