...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
