just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You're like the curious george of whores
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
