my phone cant type all the emotion im having
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
did i walk over a car last night?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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