remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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