Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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