the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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