I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
