I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I am available for nakedness
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
