Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
