So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
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