Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize