Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
