how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
