Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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