just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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