1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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