every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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