I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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