Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
