I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
