Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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