so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
