I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
