Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's rum buckets o'clock
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
