Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
