Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
