strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
