I just cut my nipple shaving
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My liver just had a heart attack.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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