Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
