I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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