Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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