i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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