dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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