Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
