I'm gonna have a badass scar
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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