please come you make the beer taste better
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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