ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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