Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
