I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
