We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
