Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
