Don't you send me to vm
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
