Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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