Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
