I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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