I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think my moral compass just broke
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
