Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
