Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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