well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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