i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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