He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just high enough for therapy.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
