btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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