Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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