hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
