not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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