I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
