She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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