So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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