fuck your aforementioned shoe
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
