I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
