I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
