2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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