I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
