Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize