right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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