I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
