Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can't trust your balls anymore.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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